Two

Ultrasound showing two spots of light floating in my uterus

We were never given one of these lovely ultrasound pictures when I was actually pregnant, so this is a first for us to hold some physical proof in our hands. This has suddenly transitioned from surreal to very real.

The last 4 days have been incredibly stressful, emotional, and tiring. Surgery on Friday, then waiting to hear what the final egg tally would be for this journey; the interminable wait on Saturday for the call to tell us what was happening with the eggs; the long wait on Sunday for the call to say if the two fertilized eggs were still dividing; to today, and having the actual embryo transfer done.

We were of course on pins and needles this morning, wondering whether something had happened in the last 24 hours to our two promising little embryos. I was taken to a back room to change, and wait for my procedure, so I new we must still have at least one to work with. We tried, as always, to prepare ourselves for any eventuality, but it's impossible to keep going without a heart full of hope.

Waiting/recovery area at Mt. Sinai   © Shutterbug

It was a very long wait with a very full bladder, since the embryo transfer is guided by an abdominal ultrasound. We were told Dr. Greenblatt would be doing the transfer, but this was wrong again - it was the team of Dr. Garbedian (we love her), and Dr. Arthur. She was even warmer to us today than she'd been on Friday, going so far as to put her hand on my back as she saw my eyes welling with tears during our walk down the hall. She said some reassuring things about it being straightforward, and that everything looked great.

Back in the procedure room (the same cavernous place where Patricia had butchered me in January), Dr. Arthur ran the ultrasound wand across my stomach and confirmed everything was fine. The embryologist came into the room with the lab report, which showed that one of my four original eggs was too small to perform the ICSI on, and was lost right away. One had ICSI but then failed to fertilize, and the two fertilized embryos were now 7 and 8 cells. She said they would both be graded "A" (I felt a small rush of pride in my 40+ body, like a student who turned in a great paper), and that things couldn't look any better. We were giddy with this uncommonly happy news.

The last step was for the embryologist to examine the embryos' shells, which they decided were a bit thick (a common age-related issue), and said they would benefit from the "assisted hatching" procedure: thinning a small area of the zona pellucida with a laser, to help the embryos actually emerge, and implant in the wall of my uterus. Who knows, perhaps this one small step was where the problem lay all along with our previous failed cycles. All we know is that we have done everything humanly and scientifically possible to make this happen.

Jody and I were both able to watch on a monitor as they guided the catheter into my uterus, and released the two little bright spots of light that are, for now, our children. They even took the catheter back to the lab for microscopic review to ensure that neither embryo had floated back into the tube when it was withdrawn. Dr. Arthur pointed out the landscape of my body on the monitor, and said the two spots now looked like one because embryos "like to stick together". I am suddenly deeply in love with both of them. I want them to have each other as they grow. Once my greatest fear, twins are now the only acceptable outcome. I can't lose either one of them.

Dr. Garbedian gave us each a big hug and wished us well, saying with a laugh that she hoped she never saw us again. We said we hoped she had the magic touch. Dr. Arthur was smiling, we were smiling, and I was told that I was now officially "PUPO": pregnant until proven otherwise.

Holding two views of my two embryos  © Shutterbug

For the first time in six months, my wife kissed my belly again today, and told our babies to stay put and stick. This has to work. I need to feel her love for my belly on a daily basis for the next nine months.

And we are already considered to be three days into our two-week wait.